The last class in my undergrad degree, I slipped my final paper underneath my professor's door, (ahem, note that is how long ago it was!) and I made a declaration that I would not be going back to school-EVER! (cue the Taylor Swift song-"we are never ever getting back together"!)
At the time, I didn't know why I had such a tumultuous relationship with higher education. When I wrote my letter of intent in April this year for the Masters of Arts in Counselling Psychology, it caused me to reflect on my experience with my undergrad degree. I hadn't realized it at the time, but I was living in survival mode. I was ashamed of being Indigenous and it didn't help that I was one of the few Indigenous students (wait a darn minute, I don't recall any other Indigenous peoples), I had low self esteem, I was a poor struggling student, I was carrying around a whole lotta unacknowledged grief and misunderstood childhood trauma. Of course the struggle was real.
So what prompted me to go back to school after making such a bold statement many, many moons before??
Well, I had been thinking about it for awhile. I do believe education is powerful & important so I was ready to reconcile my relationship with higher education.
Last year I wrote a paper called The Matriarch in the City to present at a symposium. One of the reasons I did this was to see if I actually had the discipline and motivation for a graduate program or if it was just something "I should" do, like filling a hole in my life.
Researching and writing that paper was healing, fulfilling and meaningful. So I thought "ya, okay one day. Maybe".
A graduate program was on my radar now and it made my vision board too! But I was in no rush. ONE huge factor for me was the financial piece. It took almost 11 years to pay off my undergrad degree and I just did not want to go through that financial journey again.
I had an incredible friend who continued to challenge me to take the leap and just go back to school already! She said "the money will come". I appreciate her words, but I needed more reassurance than that (haha!). But her words stirred up some sort of faith!! I took an honest look at my finances and the beautiful work with Iskwew Health. I seen it as an investment in myself and my business. I could afford to pay for my education (with all this said, I still will be applying for grants, bursaries etc!). So I took the leap.
I actually wrote my letter of intention on the New Moon (uh hello, manifestation!) and submitted my application!!!
I officially applied April 20 and school started May 8.
It happened so fast and here were are!
A couple of things that I learned through this journey so far:
1) If Creator has planted a seed in your heart, BE curious. Pray on it. Visualize it. Count the cost. Also know, this will require something of YOU. Effort, time, stepping out of your comfort zone, mental fitness etc! I LOVE manifesting!!!!!!! I love dreaming about the possibilities. I love wondering about what more amazing things does Creator has in store. But I also believe equally, you also have to show up and do your part!
2) Support support support!
Rely on your people. Reach out. Ask for support. I am usually hyper independent (I'm working on it!!!) so this one particularly harder to do for me but it is SO important.
3) When you are stepping into another level of your life- prepare for distraction, prepare for war, prepare for resistance, prepare for second guessing.
I was an emotional mess. Every single one of my limiting beliefs decided to come play!!!
There was self doubt, unworthiness, fear, imposter syndrome!
All of it!
(no wonder why I'm so exhausted, 10 weeks later! hehe)
4) Be prepared for the unexpected.
When I wrote my letter of intent, little did I know this would open up my own little Pandora's box! I was reminded of the loss, the grief, the trauma in my life. All I can say to capture that is- "IT HURT". I sat with sorrow for about a week. This caught me off guard. I felt good taking this leap of faith, stepping into a new chapter of my life! And then BAM these feelings hit me hard. I had to answer the question, why do I want to be a counsellor?And it truly stemmed from a place of a "little Michelle" need.
In order to prepare for the unexpected, make sure you have a strong self care game! Make sure you love & nurture yourself every day in your habits and practices. This is your medicine.
****My message has been SELF love for years now!!! Your own love will guide in the best way and will save you every time! Tapwe!!
I started to create this workbook about a year ago. I actually received the whole concept when I was busy "not thinking" in a yoga class.
Recently I had revised The Medicine You are workbook-a guide to self love so you can work on it on your own!
I originally created it with the intentions that would could do this workshop together!!
I mean this still can happen, but how great is it that you could work on it on your own time and pace. I love that for you!
I must admit tuition costs motivated me to get this beautiful workbook out there as well!
They are available for purchase!
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